Hi everyone! Welcome to the official Tommy Stafford for Sheriff site. The internets are cool aren’t they? Anyway, below is a reprint of what appeared in the April (Fools?) 2007 issue of Nelson County Life. Feel free to comment away, but be gentle. This politicking thing is new to me.

I tried running for Sheriff years ago
in an eight man race and came within
a few hundred votes of actually winning
it. I was 26 at the time.

But I am much wiser now so I’m
thinking about running again. My
momma tells me I was just ahead of
my time, bless my pea pickin’ heart.

I had hired a consultant to advise
me on my campaign. He told me I
probably wouldn’t win and since he
felt sorry for me, he didn’t charge me.

He took one look at me and said,
‘Son. Can you grow any facial hair?’
I grew my moustache but it wasn’t
dark enough so they airbrushed it for
the poster. The consultant also told
me I needed to do something about
my tasseled loafers.

‘Son, take off those sissy slippers
and get you some lace up shoes!’

I did and I still lost. I should have
remained true to myself. I should
have been more like Lt. Jim Dangle
on Reno 911. He’s a hero of mine
because he’s always been true to himself.
If his way of protecting the citizens
of Reno, Nevada is by wearing
polyester shorts, then Amen brother!
I do believe those shorts are 20%
inspiration and 80 % perspiration.

As Sheriff I would let turkeys
drive truck drivers in cages. I would
form a regional task force to fight
the growing shoefiti epidemic (page
38). And because I am a man with a
compassionate heart, I will endorse
the formation of a competitive knitting
league. Though my wife tells me
knitting is not a sport, I disagree.

So I hope you remember me on
Election Day. This year, I believe it
falls on the second anniversary of this
magazine, April 1, 2007. Visit TommyStafford.
com for more info.

My name is Tommy Stafford and I
approve this message.